Neighbors 3: A True Story

I am 100% confident my neighbors were sent to me from God.

They contributed to major events in my life such as getting my first iPod, a Mini, which by the way I had before they were even cool because that’s how ahead of the game my neighbors are, and my first cellphone, a beautiful LG Mint Chocolate.

In addition, they also taught me how to dance. So if you have ever had the privilege of dancing with me, you can thank them. Moves like that don’t come naturally. It’s a learned art form. They also introduced me to the wonderful world of hispanic food. LIKE OMG, they know how to cook. Their ceviche, beans, and tacos are out of this world. But most importantly, they taught me how to drink.

Because my neighbors are pretty much my best friends, I like to hang out with them on the reg. They invite me to the movies and over to dinner. We are pretty tight. But my favorite invitations are for margarita nights. Like last night.

Now let me tell ya, they sure know how to make a mixed drink. Last night at Bar Frisbie, nine new drinks were created. The best part about these creations is getting to name them. I think my favorite last night was Black & Blue. Or then again it might have been It’s Good. It’s actually hard to choose. As you would imagine, these drinks made me super chatty, loud, giggly, and an excellent dancer. Well, better than I was before. I can’t count how many times my mom had to tell me to lower my voice. Or how many times my brother would just glare at me. But whatever.

After consuming nine delicious drinks, it was only fitting to nom on some homemade tortilla chips with black refried beans and queso fresco, duh. unnamed-10

This was my brother trying to deal with me after the fact. unnamed-7

I genuinely feel sorry for people who don’t have neighbors like me. Which is everyone because no one has neighbors quite like mine. I actually consider them close family. For my birthday they made me frozen ice shots. Like who does that? My neighbors. They also have started a tequila collection for me. I sincerely love them. I know I can always count on them to play Cards Against Humanity with me or go to Cincos.

They are 75% to blame for all of my worst hangovers.

But I really do love them. My neighbors, not the hangovers.

 

 

The Granny Nanny

Now that the snow is gone, I’m pretty much ready for summer. However, spring will do. I can’t wait for tan lines, the lake, adventures, nights outside, and all that warm weather brings. Mind you, redneck sledding and hiking in the snow is pretty fun.

It’s hard to imagine a time when it was nice, sunny, and warm because it seems forever ago. BUT I was able to remember. And the first memory that came to my mind was a trip to Marbella, Spain this summer. But this was no ordinary vacation…

Most women my age get hired to nanny children. However, I was hired to nanny a granny. This was no mainstream granny though. This wasn’t even my granny, but I was “hired” to accompany her on her summer vacay to the Mediterranean.

You might be thinking babysitting a granny is a piece of cake. But let me tell you, you are wrong. My daily duties were tough. Sometimes I had to link arms with the granny so she wouldn’t fall on the slick boardwalk as we walked the coastline every morning. She even made me pour “juice” into water bottles so we could “sleep” easier on the beach. We had to hide our “juice” and sandwiches so we wouldn’t look cheap not buying from the beach restaurants. That granny is a sneaky lady. In addition, that woman even made me pour her stiff G&Ts every night, and prepare an assortment of olives and patanegra.

 

She also dragged me around to nice restaurants and cool markets. I mean how lame. Who wants to sit on the Med every night enjoying fine wine and tapas?

However, I was allowed time to myself when the granny was resting.

The granny and I also had some close encounters with the law. Yep, you read that right. The granny almost had the nanny arrested as I was buying illegal Ray Ban sunglasses from African men.

The granny was also determined to find me a man. I was determined to find her one. We both failed in that department.

Most people would be nauseated at the thought of spending a week with someone that is 40 years older than them. But to be honest, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I am forever thankful for the relationship built while granny nannying. I got to experience meaningful conversations, laugh a lot, cry a little, enjoy the finer things in life, and forget about the rest of the world for a while. It was a much needed vacation and I will forever cherish the memories.

So in case you are ever asked to granny nanny, take the offer!

How To Survive The 2016 Blizzard

Are you tired of bread and milk yet? Hope you took my advice and stocked up on the good stuff!

Was anyone able to hike to bars? Do snow donuts in parking lots? Meet up with Tinder matches? Anyone expecting a baby in late October? Keep me posted.

This has probably been the best snow we have had in a looonnng time. My house got close to 10 inches. Seriously insane for our neck of the woods!

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I hope everyone is managing ok during the blizzard and hasn’t gone crazy from cabin fever or over exhausted themselves from sledding. By the way, redneck sledding is the way to do it. That is some serious fun. Shoutout to my good friends on the farm!

I wanted to share just a few tips to help you survive The 2016 Blizzard in case you are struggling.

  • Showering doesn’t matter during the blizzard. I lost track of my days and therefore lost track of when I showered last. Embarrassed to admit how long I was able to make it… My legs were starting to resemble Locho’s. Yikes!
  • You haven’t changed clothes in days? No worries, neither have I.
  • Gaining five pounds is ok. Who eats healthy food during a blizzard? And if you really do, something is wrong with you. Live a little.
  • Don’t feel ashamed for watching an entire series on Netflix. That’s impressive.
  • It’s ok to post all of your snow photos to Facebook. Who cares if other people are sick of seeing all the snow? I think they look beautiful.
  • It’s also ok to continually check your emails to see if work (or school) is closed all of next week. Fingers crossed.
  • Basically, do whatever you want because snow like this won’t come again for quite a while.

Keep enjoying this awesome weather! I certainly am!

 

 

The Snowpocalypse Is A Real Thing

Hopefully you all made it to Kroger in time. I certainly did. But I only bought essentials.

I was a little skeptical about the snow, but held out hope like a little child. To my amazement, we got so much snow.. and it’s still snowing.

No work and no worries made for a perfect snow day.

However, living at home when you’re an adult means you have no friends in the neighborhood to play in the snow with. Mom and Dad wouldn’t play with me. Locho was a trooper though. He had lots of fun. We’re currently warming our hands and paws until we go back out again.

All the snow has me feeling like I’m Cinderella. Not because some Prince Charming just showed up (I WISH), but because all the little birds are flocking to my house for me to feed them. Wait, was it Snow White that did that? Or both? Idk. Anyway, I made sure to fill up the bird feeders so my little friends could eat. How princess-like, or psychotic, do I sound right now?

Anyway, it looks amazing outside and I am thoroughly enjoying my day by the fire with my Kindle and playing in the snow. But things are about to get real. And by that I mean the pizza is about to go in the oven, and the margaritas are about to be mixed.
Enjoy your snow day, LanaLoverz.

The “Snow” Bag

I’m almost 100% convinced that my parents still think I’m 16 and just learning to drive.

As I’m sure you all have seen, the mid state is due snow this week. Quick! Get to Kroger to buy your milk and bread! Can we pause on that thought for a second? Who in their right mind wants to survive on milk and bread? Ewh. If I’m stocking up on anything it’s going to be frozen pizzas, doughnuts, and margarita mix. Anyway…. yes, we might get some snow. By the way everyone freaks out, you would think we were due three feet of snow. Nope, just an inch. But that one little inch has my mom and dad freaking out about my work commute to Nashville.

Because they’re just so sweet and care way too much about me, they have made me pack a snow bag to leave in my car. Just the thought makes me roll my eyes. The contents of my snow bag include: a blanket, socks, gloves, a hat, water, dry snacks, a toothbrush, a pair of underwear, and a change of clothes. I’m seriously laughing out loud at how funny this is. I hope I never get stuck on the road in an inch of snow, but let me tell you, if I do, I’m prepared.

My poor dad even wanted me to tell my supervisor that I might not make it in the morning because of the weather. I had to remind him I was a 23 year old adult who could make that decision on my own. I think my parents are forgetting they paid to put me through, not one, but TWO, driver’s ed courses. One of those classes was specifically geared towards driving in inclement weather. It was actually pretty fun though. We got to slide across parking lots in slick BMWs. And the instructors were pretty hot. But that’s beside the point. I can handle rain, snow, and whatever else Mother Nature throws my way.

And LOL that as I’m writing this my mom just called me and suggested I stay in Nashville tonight because the weather is bad. It’s still sunny outside. So no, I will not be staying in Nashville, and yes, I will be driving home.

So if you get stuck on I40 tomorrow, come find me. I’ll be tailgating in my car with all my water and snacks. Stay safe out there, folks.

The Bachelor and The Parents

Watching The Bachelor with your parents is quite the experience. I feel like I need a drink after all the questions and comments. Here are a few convos from my night…

“Wait is he really kissing all of these girls?” Yes, Mom.
“Alana, you are much smarter than these girls.” Ok, thanks Mom.
“Why is she crying?” I don’t know, Dad.
“These girls are your age, Alana.” I’m well aware, Mom.
“Which one was she?” I need something more specific than that, Mom.
“So he gets to date all of these women at the same time?” Yes, Dad.

I’m thinking the final three women will be Lauren B., JoJo, and…. Olivia….
I just have a gut feeling that Ben will keep her around.

And can we all agree that we are thrilled Lace left on her own terms? My mom was thankful too. She thinks Lace would be too much for any man. Sorry, girl.

Dad’s overall thoughts on the show, “Do these girls think this is real life? Don’t they realize this is a Godd**n reality show??” Well alright then. He only watched for five minutes.

There ya have it, LanaLovers. Watch The Bachelor on your own or with your friends. Not with your parents. Unless you have to. Like me. Because I’m 23 and living at home. With no cable in my room. Or my beloved playroom.

 

 

Putting the Ugg in Ugly

Ah, Uggs. What a topic.

Are they the most ugly type of shoe/boot? It’s a close second to Chacos. Do I still wear both? Yep.

No matter what anyone says about Uggs, they are the most beautiful thing I have ever put on my foot. The fur in them is like no other. Nothing in this world can keep my feet warm quite like my Ugg boots or Ugg slippers. Not even my fuzziest socks.

I wish, on a daily basis, that I could wear my Ugg slippers to work. I also wish Uggs were acceptable in the summer. I think Uggs would accompany a sun dress nicely.

I just love Uggs so much.

Last night my mom asked me to borrow my Uggs because they looked “warm”. She has now been converted. Adrie was an Ugg hater, now she is a lover.

What I seem to have noticed is that everyone who hates on Uggs, has yet to even try them. What’s that famous saying, “Don’t knock it till you try it”. Did you know that was written about Uggs. True story. I once got into a small argument with a guy in college who always made fun of Uggs. After I made him put on the glass slipper, which I call Uggs, he recanted everything he had said before.

They may be UGGly (lol) but they are wonderful.

So make fun of them all you want, but I guarantee you my feet are warmer than yours.

Can’t you just feel the warmth from these photos???

Dogs vs. Boyfriends

Which one should you get?  The answer is always a dog.

Let’s compare the two shall we…

Boyfriends are annoying. Dogs are not.

Dogs let you pick the music in the car. Boyfriends do not.

Boyfriends don’t get excited every time they see you. Dogs do.

Dogs cry when you leave the house. Boyfriends do not.

Boyfriends either talk too much or not enough. Dogs just understand.

Dogs will cuddle with you every night. Boyfriends will not.

Boyfriends don’t let you choose the Netflix show. Dogs will.

Dogs drool over you. Boyfriends do not.

Boyfriends can be shady. Dogs are faithful.

Dogs are easily entertained. Boyfriends are not.

Boyfriends don’t text you back. Dogs don’t even have phones.

Dogs don’t expect presents. Boyfriends do.

Boyfriends want you to go out. Dogs want you to stay in.

Dogs will always make you smile. Boyfriends will not.

Basically, dogs will do whatever you want them to do and boyfriends will not. So put simply, dogs are better than boys.

Disclaimer:
I do not have a boyfriend. I just love my dog, Locho, more than I could ever love a man.
I MEAN LOOK HOW CUTE HE IS.IMG_8061
And maybe some boyfriends are nice people. But dogs are probably nicer.

If I Hit the Jackpot

As I’m sure you have probably heard, the Powerball is sitting on a pretty 1.4 billion dollars for tomorrow night’s drawing. Can you imagine holding that flimsy piece of paper in your hand while they read out the winning numbers you just so happen to have? I think I would go into an uncontrollable fit of laughter and then start acting like a pterodactyl (I do a good impression).

My favorite part about the lottery is the discussion that comes with it. I love asking people what they would do if they were to win. After all the answers I have heard, I have come to the conclusion that most everyone is a liar.

You’re going to honestly tell me that the FIRST thing you do is equally distribute the money among your friends and family. Yeah, I’m calling BS. The best response I got was “I’m donating every penny of it to charity.” Well isn’t that sweet of you. You probably also asked for world peace for Christmas. BUT I AIN’T BUYING IT, FOLKS. I’m pretty positive you would keep a couple of dollars for yourself.

Let me tell you what I would do. And I am openly admitting to taking the selfish route.

First things first, I’m getting a lawyer. This way, I don’t have to claim it so my name doesn’t get mentioned to the public. I guarantee you I would have friends come knocking on my door that I didn’t even know I had.

Now for the good stuff. I plan to treat myself to the following…
2016 Mercedes-Benz G-Class.
A house on the beach in the Caribbean or Mediterranean, can’t decide.
A private jet to get me there.
A boat to entertain me while I’m there. And by boat I mean super yacht.
And a pair of booties I’ve had my eye on.

I also plan to pay up front for my parents to be in the best retirement homes. They’re gonna have so much fun playing corn hole and eating soft foods for the rest of their days. I might even take my jet to go visit them. KIDDING. I love my parents dearly so I’m buying them some fancy cars and whatever else they want. My brother on the other hand, he’s lucky if he’s getting a penny. JK, Collie. I’ll give you a monthly allowance of $20 or something.

Would I donate to charity? Absolutely.

The rest of the money? I’m investing it. So I can be a trillionaire.

So there you have it. My selfish and realistic approach to inheriting 1.4 bill.

Fingers crossed I have the winning ticket and if not me, then you.

 

 

 

Half Time Report

First off, I have the Bachelor recording in case anyone thinks I’m not keeping up with Ben.

Anyway…..

Most people face the tough decision of who they are going to cheer for during the CFB National Championship game. I wish I could say this was my dilemma. My tough decision was ‘what am I going to make to snack on during the game???’ It’s hard. Do you go for the popular choice of pizza? Chili? Chips and dips?

I settled on four snacketizers (snacks/appetizers). I went with Pigs in a Blanket, Garlic Knots, Buffalo Chicken Dip, and Spinach and Artichoke Bread Ring Dip. Super healthy choices.

You really can’t go wrong when it comes to snacking and watching football. What I loved about these recipes though, was that I could prepare them earlier in the day, do what I needed to do (like workout so I wouldn’t feel so guilty indulging on carbs all night), and then pop them in the oven for game time.

Because my dad and I loved these snacks so much, I thought I’d share the recipes so you can try them if you’re in the culinary mood. The recipes can be found at the top of my blog page in the pink tabs bar. If you need cooking lessons, holla.

Of the four snacketizers, I think the Spinach and Artichoke Bread Ring Dip was my favorite. I mean warm bread with a delicious dip? Yeah, drooling; which my dog actually did while I was eating it. And it got on my pants. I had to have my mom wipe it off because I was gagging. Anyway,  my dad went with the Garlic Knots. But let me tell you, they were all hella good. See for yourself..

Enjoy the rest of the game!
Go Vols. Maybe next year?