Home Alone 5

First off, can we please address the fact that there are FOUR Home Alone movies? Why there was even a need for the third, especially the fourth, is beyond me. However, Home Alone and Home Alone 2 are in my top favorite movies. Classics.

I created Home Alone 5. I know the Home Alones were based of a young child being left alone, but my experiences were just as traumatic at 23. I recently just survived the longest period of time being in a home alone. And it was quite the experience.

Before the rents left (rents = parents), they tried to convince me to put on the alarm. I said “definitely not”. My reasoning, I would be way more scared if the alarm went off than if I actually came face to face with a robber. Did I even bother to check and make sure all doors were locked? Of course not. When my mom got back, she found one of the front doors not just unlocked, but open. So I probably wasn’t even home alone to begin with. If you did break in to my house, thank you for not taking any food.

Speaking of food, my dad said he would leave me some money so I could get some food if I needed. Well obviously, you need food. Thanks for the kind gesture, dad. Apparently in his world you can feed yourself 11 meals for $25. Thank God my neighbors fed me for two meals otherwise I would have starved to death. To my mother’s defense, she did cook meals for me and freeze them. Thanks, Mom.

On my first night alone, I decided to hit the town. Being the responsible adult I am, I called a taxi. However, the taxi driver picked me up and dropped me off at the bottom of my street because there wasn’t a chance in hell I was letting a Cookeville cabbie even sense I was home alone. The cab driver probably watched me walk home anyway.

I was a little nervous walking into my house at 4am, but I thought Locho would be able to save me if need be. I was wrong. That dog wouldn’t even sleep with me. He acted way too cool for me.

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“Leave me alone.”

Anyway, then I was even scared to get pizza delivered because what if the pizza guy could tell I was alone? What if when I went to Food Lion the workers there could tell I was staying home alone?! It was a lot to process but I gathered my nerves and ventured to Food Lion. Picked up the pizza though. Wasn’t risking that one. ‘

On my third day alone, I really considered painting one of my brother’s air soft guns black so I could at least pretend to be armed if I was robbed. I decided not to, but really wish I had when I convinced myself on the fourth night that someone was in my house. So instead of having a fake gun, I walked around the house protecting myself with a hot pink tube of pepper spray. Yeah, that would really scare someone off, I know. Pretty sure those sounds were all in my head.

I must admit, it was a little strange being alone in my parents’ house without them , but I did thoroughly enjoy the experience. And their wine. And them not being able to say, “Excuse me, what do you think you’re doing?”

Anyway…..

Home Alone 6: Coming Soon.

 

 

Why V-Day is the Best Day

We are four days out from the most ~*RoMaNTiC*~ day of the year.

Most single people dread Valentine’s Day. I love it. While everyone else is out eating at chain restaurants acting like they’re so in love with their significant other, you can find me happily at home eating pizza, drinking wine, and thanking the good Lord I don’t have to deal with that nonsense.

valentines-day-pizza

That might sound bitter, but I can ensure you it is 100% genuine. The Valentine’s Days that I have spent with someone have been less than par to say the least. I can’t even remember what I did which means it was nothing spectacular. I do remember the gifts I got and LOL. Since when did giving a pillow become a romantic gesture? I did get asked to prom on Valentine’s Day, which I still can’t decide if that’s cute or an easy way out? Anyway..

Last year I had this brilliant idea of going out to a bar on Valentine’s night. My thought process was that couples would be out at dinner and single people would all go out to the bars. I was wrong. The single men that were at the bars were not the type of men I wanted to be single with. So this year, I will be resorting back to the better idea of staying in and wearing my favorite pair of sweatpants and a nice comfy t-shirt.

Now, don’t be thinking I didn’t get any invites to do anything romantic. My sweet mother invited me to her and my dad’s Valentine’s Dinner party. Also trying to decide if that’s a kind offer or a stab to my self esteem. As tempting as the invite was, I politely declined. Somehow or another, sitting around a beautifully decorated table listening to 40, 50, and 60 year olds read their favorite love poem just doesn’t sound like my ideal Valentine’s night. So instead of sitting at the table downstairs, I will be hiding out in my room upstairs. With a pizza of course. I’m just trying to figure out how I am going to have pizza delivered to my house without my parents’ friends realizing I am there. Perhaps the pizza man and I could create a pully system outside of my window? Stay tuned for updates on that later. I’ll also help break up your social media timeline with a picture of a pizza instead of couples. You’re welcome.

My mom and I had a conversation about dating the other day and how different it is now compared to when she was younger. She was telling me how people would send each other Valentines cards and people would guess who they were from. I wish we did that now. Mom then went on to say how receiving a box of chocolates was a big deal. That’s when I said, “HOLD UP.” If someone sent me chocolates I would be kind of pissed knowing they could have sent me a heart shaped box of chicken nuggets from Chickfila or an Edible Arrangement of pineapple, which I love by the way. I think my mom was disgusted with me. I definitely felt judged. Maybe my secret admirer (my dad) will send me chicken nuggets. Speaking of secret admirers, I did receive a package last year for Valentines Day with some chocolate, a teddy bear, and a card. I was really excited for about 10 minutes until I realized it was from my aunt and uncle trying to make me feel special.

Perhaps the best part of Valentine’s Day is February 15, because OMG, all the candy goes on sale. Although I don’t like receiving candy as a gift, I do like to purchase it for myself. I will have a whole blog dedicated to buying Creme Eggs when we get closer to Easter.

I just have a hard time dealing with single people who complain about Valentine’s Day. Maybe if you weren’t so damn whiney you would actually have a date? Stop acting like it’s the end of the world. You aren’t just single on Valentine’s Day. You are single every day of the year. Sorry ’bout it.

So if you are single this V-Day, embrace it! You are young, wild, and free. Wear those comfy clothes, eat some pizza, whip out the wine, and get what you paid for on Netflix. Seriously, it’s way better than having to get dolled up for a night out at O’Charleys or Red Lobster if you’re lucky 😉 (Beyonce joke)

At least I love you. XOXO. Happy Valentine’s Day my lovers!

Superbowl 50: A Preview

Hello my football fanatics. Ready for the big game later? I don’t know if I’m ready for the game, but I’m certainly ready for the party. My Frisbie Lane viewing party is Mexican themed, obviously. Nothing says NFL quite like refried beans and margaritas. Amirite?????

I’m having a tough time deciding who to cheer for. If it’s Peyton’s last game, then I would love to see him go out with a win. However, I want to have bi-racial children with Cam Newton. So I really can’t decide. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. I am just thankful we can all sit around and eat snacks. And drink margs.

Can we also talk about what happened to watching Super Bowl commercials DURING the game?? I feel like I have seen them all already.

Gotta admit though, pretty excited for the halftime show. I am a huge Coldplay fan. And Beyonce always performs well. My dad said “I heard her new song is very political”. If keeping hot sauce in your bag, slaying b!tche$, and taking your man to Red Lobster is political, then you do you, Dad.

Dad also came home with a new tv yesterday because he was worried ours would break during the game. Seems plausible. I’m just excited I get the old tv to put in my playroom so I can watch The Bachelor in peace without answering one million questions. Because remember, I don’t have cable in my room. I’m not old enough for that yet.

When I asked my mom who was playing in the Super Bowl she said, “The Denver Broncos, Peyton Manning, and Car.. begins with a C. Uh Newton. Don’t put that in your blog. Wait, Cam! Cam Newton!” I gotta say y’all.. I am thoroughly impressed. She needs to learn his name quickly because he’s about to father her grandchildren.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday! I’ll have lots of “Cooking With Lana” snaps later.

Peace and blessings, y’all!

“The Lord is my shepherd, and Peyton is my quarterback.”
To clarify.. this isn’t in the Bible. I saw it on a t-shirt.