Dating in 2016… A Nightmare.

Brace yourself folks.. this could be a long one. But, I think an interesting one. Lately, I have discussed relationships with a lot of people. Friends, adults, parents, my dog, everyone. It amazes me how differently people can view relationships. I don’t know much about them to be honest, but I do know one thing. They are **BLEEEEEEP’ed** up.

Since when did twenty-somethings become ok with abolishing dating? Does no one want to go out and enjoy someone’s company anymore? What ever happened to CALLING, ya know.. where you actually SPEAK to someone, to ask them out? Basically, technology has ruined everything. But hey, shoutout to the guys who do still call, because I know you exist. What happened to dinner and drinks though? Does that still exist?

Texting has destroyed us. People can say absolutely anything they want over a text message, but when it comes down to it, not many people would have those same conversations face to face. I think if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face.. don’t text it. If you can be lovey dovey over a text, better be able to do that in person. If you can call me out over a text, hope you can do that in person, too. And this whole relationship phase of “well we’re texting” has got to go. You’re texting? Congratulations, I text my mom, too. Why is this a thing? What does “we’re texting” even mean? You text every day? You said you like each other over texting? Someone help me define this. Please.

Then we have Facebook. Ahhh. The power of stalking. Which has also ruined dating. People rule out potential soulmates just by going through someone’s profile pictures. “She’s too thick.” “He’s too short.” “He has too many girls in his photos.” Ok well maybe she works out and is toned. Maybe that “short” guy just has super tall friends. Those girls in his photos could be his sisters. My point is, people need to start giving people a chance regardless of their social media account. Be a kind human and draw your conclusions of someone after you have actually met them. In person. Like face to face.

Since when did liking an Instagram photo become the new flirting????? Did I miss this piece of vital information somewhere along the way? I promise I’m not trying to get with your boyfriend when I give him a double tap, I just think his photo is genuinely cool. People need to chill the heck out. People should be free to like whatever they want, whenever they want. Amirite??

Ok, so actual “dates”. HA HA HA. Asking someone to come watch Netflix with you, is not a date. At least I don’t think so. Not socially interacting with someone gets you nowhere. However, when I do agree to movies, I am agreeing to WATCH a movie. Whoever started associating movies with sex can go to hell. In the politest way possible. I love movies and think they deserve the time to be watched. But to those of you that do have nerves and actually ask someone out on a date, paaaalease be entertaining. I went on a date a few months ago with Mr. Swole Patrol who literally talked to me about how much he could bench the whole time. Never once was I asked a single thing about myself. I don’t even think the guy knew how to say my name. Needless to say, I faked a phone call from dad to get outta that one. I think I said he needed me to go shopping with him. LOL, as if.  If you’re gonna ask someone out, be interactive. Ask questions, tell stories, be somewhat pleasant. But your stories shouldn’t include talking about your hot hookups with random women. That’s an excellent way to get vetoed right through the door.

Ok so some open questions:
Should guys pay for dates? I don’t know y’all.. I’m iffy on this one. I think if a guy asks you out, and says “I would like to take you out” or whatever, then yes, he should pay. But if it’s a mutually agreed upon date, I think splitting is very fair. I think women should at least offer to pay for half. Thoughts? EXCEPTION: If my slice of pizza costs TWO DOLLARS, and you don’t offer to pay for it, I am going to question your gentlemanlike-ness. Is that mean? I don’t know.
Can girls ask guys out on dates? Um, absolutely. If you like a guy, he might like to know you want to hang out with him. I don’t think we live in a world anymore where responsibility is left to the male population.

Ok on to Snapchat. My blood is already boiling. I think sending snapchats back and forth is really cute/silly/flirty/ whatever you want to call it. What isn’t cute/silly/flirty.. “wanna send me something dirty?” Do some guys have absolutely no respect for women? And do some women have absolutely no respect for men? Like what in the world is wrong with our generation???? My most creative responses to this question… literally sending a picture of dirt, sending a picture of a naked Barbie, and sending a selfie of me with mom and dad.

Terms of endearment. Can guys stop referring to women as their (excuse the vulgarity) slampiece, b!*ch, side chick, 2am, or whatever other trendy words there are. Women.. this goes for you too. Calling a guy your f**kboi isn’t a loving term.

It probably sounds like I am anti-dating. Which I’m absolutely not. I enjoy going on dates, good ones that is, and I enjoy the excitement of relationships. I even thoroughly enjoy texting when it’s good conversations, not a label. It’s just the confusion about dating I don’t like. Are we something, are we not? Do you like me, do you not? I think I speak for all women when I say I would much rather be told “Hey, I’m not really feeling this”, instead of being ignored. Being ghosted is the worst. Fellas.. do you agree? I think this is a mutual feeling among all humans.

If you are happily in a relationship, I envy you. If you are happily single, I envy you. Pros and cons to both, for sure. And this is 100% two-sided. I think women are just at fault as guys. I get so scared talking to guys on the phone, and get nervous on dates. But the biggest thing to blame for all this…..technology. Kudos to all my fellow single friends out there. We are living in a tough world. So a huge shout out to Apple for causing this mess. You have singlehandedly made dating in 2016 a nightmare.

 

Dear March, You Are Awkward

I think this week will probably be one of the most difficult I’ve had in a while. Why you ask? Four things: Everyone is on Spring Break and I’m not, I get confused when it’s still bright out at 6, I can’t decide what to wear when it’s chilly in the morning but warm in the afternoon, and people really annoy me about St. Patrick’s Day.

Spring Break:
I’m not on it. It’s sad. Everyone is at the beach. It’s consuming my social media timelines. I miss college.

Daylight Savings:
Loving the extra hour in the evening. However, super confusing at first. Last night I was watching tv thinking it was 4 pm and it was like 11. It was strange. But brighter evenings means we are closer to summer and that makes me happy.

Spring Weather:
“Go home, you’re drunk.” How can anyone dress in this?! When I leave my house in the morning I need a light cardigan but by lunchtime I need a tank and shorts. Which is actually terrifying because I’m still in winter body mode. Like do I wear booties because they’re trendy but risk looking foolish in the afternoon? Or do I look like a complete idiot walking into work in sandals when it’s chilly outside? How can I make these decisions??? You know what else is hard during spring weather? The food transition. The change from chili and soups to salads and grilled foods is kind of hard. I would eat chili year round if I could. But are you supposed to just transition over a day? Or do you slowly start taking things away and adding new foods? Someone please help. I can’t wait for hamburgers on the grill though, yum. And for any confusion, tacos and pizza are year-round foods. This weather also makes work quite difficult. When it’s 75 and sunny the only place I want to be from 2 o’clock onwards is an outdoor patio.

St. Patrick’s Day:
Don’t even get me started…
When people hear my family (like my actually family) is from Ireland they get really excited to tell me their family is from Ireland too. So I always love to ask, “Oh really, like your mom or dad is from Ireland?” To which, I always get the response along the lines of, “No, my great grandmother’s uncle’s best friend’s cousin’s girlfriend’s step-mom’s sister’s neighbor’s brother was from Ireland.” Ok. We are done with this conversation. Unless you, your mom or dad, or your grandparents are from Ireland, please don’t tell me you are Irish. I also get this question all the time, “So do people have, like, red hair and pale skin?” No, they do not. Practically everyone in my family has dark hair and dark skin. And no, leprechauns don’t roam the streets.

Ok back to St. Patrick’s Day. People in America make me LOL. They make a bigger deal of SPD than Irish people do. People in Ireland do not wear nearly as much green as people do here, nor do they wear half of the amount of tacky paraphernalia. And the whole pinching if you’re not wearing green, not Irish. What is Irish though.. you guessed it, drinking. But people in Ireland celebrate by drinking authentic Irish beer, Guinness. Sorry people, Mic Ultra and vodka sodas aren’t from the motherland. Does anyone even know why St. Patrick is celebrated? If anyone can tell me without googling, I will buy you a Guinness. I guarantee if you asked an Irish person on July 4th what the celebration was for, they would know the answer. Clue: St. Patrick’s Day is not Irish Independence Day.

I do love St. Patrick’s Day though. And it does make me happy so many people want to celebrate. I admire your love and dedication to your Irish heritage. Way to drink for your ancestors! And there is more to the Irish than just drinking, I promise. They love their culture and are cool people. I’ll probably be celebrating my Irish culture with margaritas due to the lack of Irish pubs in Smalltown, Tennessee. Maybe they can dye them green. So Irish.

But I hope everyone has a safe and fun St. Patrick’s Day! And survives this weird week!

Sláinte agus póg mo thóin!