I have wanted to get back to my funny blogs and stories, but I seem to be in a writer’s fog. That said though, I still want to write. So I am dedicating this blog to that.

As we approach the holiday season, I am both excited and anxious. I absolutely love November and December. I adore Thanksgiving and dang, Christmas really does it for me. I am that person who starts listening to Christmas music in early November and starts watching Christmas movies at the end of October. I just really love it. If I could afford to decorate my apartment, which I actually call a small rectangle, I would already have a Christmas tree erected with beautiful ornaments and presents under it. As for lights, oh don’t even get me started. Christmas lights are my fave. I seriously would string my entire rectangle with lights if I could. Until I get back to Tennessee for Christmas, these decorations will have to do.

That all said, I also dread the first holiday season without my mom. It is going to be tough and emotional and just a whole lot of feelings. As much as I can’t wait for the holidays, I am ready to see this year go. I wasn’t looking forward to 2018 to begin with and I am certainly ready to say goodbye. It’s been a shitty year, but during this season of giving thanks, I am trying to focus on the good in my life.

• This year I started a new job at a company I learned about in school, working on a global automotive account. #proudofmyself
• I moved into my own apartment rectangle. #proudofmyself
• I had personal and professional writing published. #proudofmyself
• I officially became a resident of DC. #proudofmyself
• Successfully put air into my own tires without my dad supervising. #proudofmyself

There were some happy times, and I am thankful for those.

Things I thought I was grateful for but no longer have because they are now a luxury:

• WiFi.
• Cable.
• Uber Eats.
• Two margarita pitchers instead of one.
• Christmas decorations.
• High ply toilet paper.
• Electricity.
• Water.

The list is endless. Ok, the last two are sort of a joke. But you definitely become more aware of energy and consumption when you’re the one footing the bill each month.

Jokes aside…

I have a dear friend who also lost her mom a little over a year ago. We were chatting about the holidays and family dynamics when she told me she didn’t want to skip out on the meaning of Thanksgiving. So, for the month of November, she’s been writing a daily gratitude. I thought this was a beautiful idea and was inspired by her. I’ve seen people doing it on social media, but I think writing it down allows you to look back when you need a reminder.

I’m not going to list all of mine, but I will share one with you. Music. I have always enjoyed music. I will listen to all genres and I like to research emerging artists. That said, my playlist is pretty crazy, but I know what songs I put on there. The other day, I was listening to my playlist carrying on like usual when a song came on that I didn’t recognize. I didn’t realize at first as I was busy typing up a work report, but then the lyrics caught me off guard. I literally froze listening to them. The song was called “Adrian”. Though not the same spelling as my mom’s, it still has me shook. Read these lyrics and tell me you don’t have goosebumps.

I’ve been wasting my days on a nine to five
Spending dollars when I only make a dime
While you’re surfing the waters of paradise
Oh, Adrian I wanna be like you

I wanna trade my worries
I wanna trade my troubles
All for a golden journey
Oh, Adrian I wanna be like you

I honestly couldn’t believe it. It was an upbeat song- fun and catchy. How that song ended up on my playlist is beyond me, but I do know one thing. It was definitely my momma speaking to me through music. It was weird and bizarre and I can’t explain it, but y’all, this moment was beautiful.

I have always appreciated music, but that song made me thankful for it.

Among other things, I am thankful for life in general. It sounds so cliché, but I think until you realize how quickly life can be taken from someone, you don’t appreciate it. Wake up and treat every day like it might be your last.

Last year, I had a terrible feeling that 2017 Christmas and New Year would be the last with my family of four. Unfortunately, I was right. But damn, did my family make the most of what we could. We had family from England celebrating with us and we made it a special one, despite the situation my mom was in. My family didn’t tell many people, but my mom was in critical care at Vandy until Christmas Eve. Honestly, we were given a Hail Mary that she lived for seven more months.  We didn’t do extraordinary things last holiday season–heck we all went to bed right after midnight on NYE. But we were with one another and that was what counted. We made the most of every moment together.

So this Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year, y’all better be doing the same. I know I have said it a lot, but life is too short and family and friends are too sweet.

That said, I wish you all a wonderful holiday season. May it be filled with love, laughter, joy and dreams. Much love to you and yours.

XOXO,
Lana

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