First off, can we please address the fact that there are FOUR Home Alone movies? Why there was even a need for the third, especially the fourth, is beyond me. However, Home Alone and Home Alone 2 are in my top favorite movies. Classics.

I created Home Alone 5. I know the Home Alones were based of a young child being left alone, but my experiences were just as traumatic at 23. I recently just survived the longest period of time being in a home alone. And it was quite the experience.

Before the rents left (rents = parents), they tried to convince me to put on the alarm. I said “definitely not”. My reasoning, I would be way more scared if the alarm went off than if I actually came face to face with a robber. Did I even bother to check and make sure all doors were locked? Of course not. When my mom got back, she found one of the front doors not just unlocked, but open. So I probably wasn’t even home alone to begin with. If you did break in to my house, thank you for not taking any food.

Speaking of food, my dad said he would leave me some money so I could get some food if I needed. Well obviously, you need food. Thanks for the kind gesture, dad. Apparently in his world you can feed yourself 11 meals for $25. Thank God my neighbors fed me for two meals otherwise I would have starved to death. To my mother’s defense, she did cook meals for me and freeze them. Thanks, Mom.

On my first night alone, I decided to hit the town. Being the responsible adult I am, I called a taxi. However, the taxi driver picked me up and dropped me off at the bottom of my street because there wasn’t a chance in hell I was letting a Cookeville cabbie even sense I was home alone. The cab driver probably watched me walk home anyway.

I was a little nervous walking into my house at 4am, but I thought Locho would be able to save me if need be. I was wrong. That dog wouldn’t even sleep with me. He acted way too cool for me.

Anyway, then I was even scared to get pizza delivered because what if the pizza guy could tell I was alone? What if when I went to Food Lion the workers there could tell I was staying home alone?! It was a lot to process but I gathered my nerves and ventured to Food Lion. Picked up the pizza though. Wasn’t risking that one. ‘

On my third day alone, I really considered painting one of my brother’s air soft guns black so I could at least pretend to be armed if I was robbed. I decided not to, but really wish I had when I convinced myself on the fourth night that someone was in my house. So instead of having a fake gun, I walked around the house protecting myself with a hot pink tube of pepper spray. Yeah, that would really scare someone off, I know. Pretty sure those sounds were all in my head.

I must admit, it was a little strange being alone in my parents’ house without them , but I did thoroughly enjoy the experience. And their wine. And them not being able to say, “Excuse me, what do you think you’re doing?”

Anyway…..

Home Alone 6: Coming Soon.